Battling to sleep while your wife snores beside you, but far too frightened to discuss the issue with her in case she freaks out? You’re not the only one. Women are often much more sensitive about snoring than men.
It’s considered unladylike and can cause intense embarrassment so many husbands would rather live with the noise than inform their wives that they snore. When you consider the health implications of snoring, it’s obvious that a difficult conversation is necessary. Snoring affects both physical and psychological health in both the snorer and their partner and can have serious long-term consequences if left untreated so it’s certainly worth broaching the issue with your wife if she is snoring regularly.
Here are some tips as to how to approach the topic:
Choose your time wisely
First thing in the morning after a night of snoring when you are irritable and she’s probably also exhausted is not a good idea. A definite no-no is bringing it up mid-argument – a recipe for disaster with her likely to take huge offense. Try to remember that this problem is a medical one and not a personal failing on the part of your partner, so be kind and non-confrontational about it. Avoid teasing or making it into a joke which could lead to her feeling humiliated.
This is also something that should be discussed in private, not brought up in front of friends or family, even your children.
Although it may seem counter-intuitive to ruin a good moment, bring up the issue of her snoring when you have had an enjoyable, relaxed few hours together and you know you will be able to broach the subject in a calm, loving manner. This will keep the whole tone of the conversation low key and make it more likely that she is receptive.
Couch your comments in terms of concern rather than criticism
A good way to bring up the subject is to chat briefly about how she is feeling – is she tired during the day, does she wake up feeling less than refreshed, has she been irritable and stressed? Gently suggest that the cause of this may be that she isn’t sleeping well because she is snoring and express the desire to assist her in overcoming the problem. Make it clear that although you are being disturbed by her snoring, you are more concerned with how it might be affecting her.
Don’t make this out to be her problem to solve alone. Most women want to be loved and supported and if you suggest that this is something you can overcome together rather than making it an issue she needs to resolve on her own to keep you happy, you’re likely to encounter less denial and less resistance.
Come armed with solutions
A defensive response you are likely to encounter is “What do you want me to do about it?” Have some ideas ready. There are lots of solutions out there from using an anti-snoring mouthpiece (should we mention SnoreMeds directly here?), to visiting her doctor for a check up to see if there is any medical reason for the snoring. Do some research and be ready to offer some ideas as to how to will deal with the issue.
Offer to change your lifestyle, too
If having too much alcohol close to bedtime or being a bit overweight is the likely cause of your wife’s snoring, commit to making the same changes that she will. Agree that you will both cut down on the wine with dinner and make plans to join the gym and eat healthily together. It is much easier to implement lifestyle changes when your partner is on board and it is likely she will appreciate the gesture of support. Cutting down on drinking and losing a few pounds is likely to benefit you, too, so it’s a win-win!
Choose your words wisely.
Some of these conversation starters may help to get the ball rolling:
- Honey, I’ve noticed that you have been unusually tired lately? Have you been sleeping well? If not, it may because you are snoring.
- Darling, this is a difficult topic to bring up, but I have noticed that you are tired quite early in the evenings, and I think it may be because you are snoring at night. I’m not sure if you realise it, but I think it may be affecting the quality of your sleep.
- Sweetheart, I know that if I was doing something that may affect my health, you would tell me about it, so I want to chat to you about your snoring and how it might be affecting yours.
- I have been feeling very tired during the day lately. Have you? I think part of the problem may be that you’re snoring.
- Dear, did you know that at our age, almost as many women as many snore? Do you realise that you have started yourself? It’s a very common problem that can be easily treated but if it isn’t, it can have long-term consequences for your health which really concern me. Can we discuss some of the ways we might resolve the issue?
The key to all of these ideas is to approach the matter in a respectful manner that stresses your concern rather than your annoyance with the issue. No woman wants to be a snorer and chances are, with the right approach, you’ll soon have her on board in finding a solution.